


Our Gentle Sin

by badbitchbeverly



Category: IT (2017), IT (2017) RPF, IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Losers Club (IT), Angst, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Flirting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Getting Together, Homophobic Language, Humor, Internalized Homophobia, Losers Club (IT) Friendship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sexual Humor, Slurs, Swearing, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-18 17:25:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14857007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badbitchbeverly/pseuds/badbitchbeverly
Summary: When Eddie's mother finds out he's gay, she decides it's one more sickness of his she needs to cure. Amidst all the talk of fire and brimstone, his resolve begins to crumble. Luckily, he has someone to help him back to his feet.





	1. Sick

**Author's Note:**

  * For [happytreasure](https://archiveofourown.org/users/happytreasure/gifts).



> Hi! This is my first Reddie story, I love this ship very much. However, the entire reason behind making this is because this entire series is a gift for my dear best friend, @happytreasure <3 I hope you enjoy it, Kai!

"B-but, Eddie!" She stammered, panic evident in her voice. "You're not like _those_ people. You aren't dirty, baby. You're not some revolting _faggot_." Her voice began to rise, and anger began to replace and take over her previously distraught nature, fists balled up and shaking at her sides now. "No son of mine is _gay_ ," she spat, pure hatred and disgust laced into her words.

Eddie stared at her, eyes wide as saucers. He knew she meant it--could hear it in her voice, see it in her eyes. He was frightened, angry, and depressed, his intense emotions fighting one another as his flight or fight response was triggered. He was unsure what to do and simply stood there, terrified. 

__

Sonia was standing a few feet away from him, yet he backed up as far as he could despite the lack of space. The entire room suddenly felt full and stuffy, suffocating him. Searing tears welled up in his eyes, and his heart drooped in his chest. He began to hyperventilate, clutching his chest as if somehow that would help him. He felt helpless and weak as Sonia stepped closer, towering over him, her large frame seeming to trap him. He attempted to mask his emotions and shove his tears back down, but to no avail. He felt his last glimmer of hope and happiness shatter as her harsh words branded him, sinking in and staining him.

__

_Faggot_ , he thought.

__

The word took over his mind, and his heart clenched. Shakily, he removed his hand from his chest, bringing them level to his hips in an effort to stabilize himself and gain control of himself. His hand ghosted over his pocket as if to reach for his inhaler subconsciously. He chided himself mentally when he noticed. He had found out years earlier that he had not needed it, and he didn't need it now, either. He could do this himself.

__

Finally, he parted his lips, about to speak, however, unable to form a coherent sentence. Instead, his mouth opened and closed repeatedly as if he was a fish out of water before managing to sputter out, "Ma-ma. I-I..."

__

At the sound of her sons voice-- _her weak, sick, fragile son_ \--Sonia Kaspbrak seemed to soften, and cupped the sides of his face. To her, it was gentle, full of motherly-love and affection. To him, it stung, and felt like acid burning through him, coursing through his veins and piercing his heart.

__

"Eddie-bear," she cooed with fake-concern. "Don't you worry about a thing, sweetie. Mommy will take you to the doctor and we'll have you healthy in no-time, honey."

__

Eddie stared up at her incredulously, disbelief shocking him as his eyes darted back in forth in hers, searching for even a slight hint of a joke. The eyes he stared into were lifeless, glossed over and distant. There was no emotion, no _anything_ present in them.

__

_She truly believes I'm sick_. _She truly thinks she's doing what's best for me_.

__

She kissed his cheek, knocking him from his stupor. "I knew those no-good friends of yours were bad influences..." she murmured, more to herself than him, her face twisting up at the notion. Her eyes met his again, cloudy and far-away. She plastered a sick, sweet smile on her face. "How about you go on upstairs and wash up for bed, hm? Make sure you scrub hard, rid those ghastly, vile thoughts from yourself. Momma will take care of the rest." The way she said it left no room for arguing--it was a finalized command, and Eddie knew that. There were no words left to say, no arguing left to be done.

__

Sulking, he trudged up the stairs and grabbed his pajamas, slamming the drawer shut. His feet dragged across the hard-wood floor, a faint scraping sound following him to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him, locking it. He began to undress himself at a zombie-like pace, staring into the mirror straight past himself, wearing a stoic expression. He turned the water all the way to cold, letting it cascade down his back in ripples as he stood there, numb and emotionless. He repeated his nightly routine in a daze before reaching over to shut the lamp off that rested on the dresser beside his bed, and he crawled in slowly, pulling the blankets up and above his head.

__

It was only then, covered from head to toe with his door closed, that he allowed himself to let go--let go of the disappointment, sadness, and rage. It rolled off of him in waves, and as he clasped a hand over his mouth, attempting to muffle his sobs, face pressed into his pillow, he held himself. He cried, eyes puffy and red, replaying only one thing in his mind.

__

_Richie,_ he thought. _I'm so, so sorry..._

__

Then, he drifted off into a deep slumber as everything turned to darkness.

__


	2. Beep, beep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! There's more quality Loser's Club and Bev and Richie friendship action in this part.  
> I hope you love it, Kai! @happytreasure

"H-hey, E-Eddie," Bill greets him at school the next day, a friendly smile upon his face.

"Oh," Eddie spoke quietly, barely audible. "Hey, Big Bill." He attempted to form a smile, but the most he could muster was a tiny curve at the ends of his lips. Bill immediately noticed his glum behavior and frowned slightly in response.

"Eddie," he said evenly, authoritatively. Upon hearing Bill's voice, he knew that he had picked up on his mood. He had that _tone_. "What's w-wro-" Bill was cut short as the yelps of Stan filled the air, followed by the rambunctious Richie.

"Stan the Man!" he guffawed, draping an arm over the other man's shoulders and pinching his cheeks. Stan only scoffed in response, playfully elbowing Richie in the ribs. He attempted to mask his amusement with a characteristic roll of his eyes, flipping Richie off.

"I truly do not know why I am friends with you," Stan began. "Oh, right!" Feigning remembrance of an imaginary time, his face lit up in animation, then quickly fell to a pitiful look, patting Richie's hand that still rested on his shoulder in an apologetic fashion. He met his eyes, a sombre look overtaking them. "You were my depressing charity case," he continued. "We decided to take in the stupid, lonely, ugly, horrendous, annoying, bug-eyed child that had very unfortunately stumbled into our lives. We felt bad back then--luckily for us, we just unanimously agreed last night that we were tired of this sad-excuse of a human and we are putting you up for adoption. You see, Rich, I just did not know how to break the news to y-"

Richie cackled exaggeratedly and clasped Stan on his back in a playful manner. " _Rude_ , Noodle-head," he laughed. "Who knew Stan the Man was capable of _jokes_!" he teased, smirking cheekily.

"Whatever, Trashmouth," Stan joked, twirling out of his grasp. "You've used up enough of my personal space today."

Richie pouted, making his eyes turn wide and doe-like. " _Awww_ ," he whined. "Well, at least I have my Eddie Spaghetti!" he exclaimed, bouncing up behind him and enveloping him in a hug. Eddie gawked at the sudden contact, his cheeks quickly turning crimson.

"Eds, baby," Richie said flirtatiously, turning Eddie around to face him. "I missed you!" he cried, draping himself over the smaller boy melodramatically.

" _Get off me!_ " Eddie huffed, tugging on the strap of his backpack in a fit of annoyance. "I'm not in the mood," he grumbled, spinning on his heel abruptly and walking off into the school. Richie stood there, dumbfounded.

"Well, damn," he whistled lowly. "What's gotten into him?" he questioned, whipping around to look at Bill as if he would have an answer.

"No i-idea. He s-s-seemed off when I g-got he-here," Bill stated, shrugging.

"Maybe we should give him space," Stan suggested.

"Hey, guys," a familiar voice cut out. "What's up with Eddie?" Beverly asked, sauntering up to the group. Her short hair was especially curly today, the auburn-copper hair glimmering in the sunlight. Her blue eyes twinkled in concern, brows furrowed.

"I have no goddamn idea," Riche answered. "I showed up and was messing with Stanley here. Then, I started talking to him, and he got pisssed and stormed off," Richie explained, arms crossed.

"Well, a-actually," Bill corrected. "He w-was already ups-set when y-you got here," he clarified, turning to look at Beverly now.

"I tried to talk to him but he brushed me off; he had his head down and mentioned something about having to get to class," she shared. "I'm worried, he never leaves us in the morning--especially not like that."

Bill considered her words and found them to be true. Contemplating about what could possibly be bothering Eddie, his eyebrows knitted together, and he crossed his arms across his chest subconsciously.

Beverly caught sight of Richie, taking notice to how quiet he was being. She moved to stand next to him and placed a gentle hand on his back, rubbing in a soothing circular motion. He turned his head to look at her through his thick, dark black lashes. The normally amused glint in his eye was gone, replaced with a foggy, confused, dazed gaze.

"Rich," she whispered to him softly, wrapping her arms around him affectionately and pulling him close, hugging him. Her grip said everything it needed to, but she decided that he should hear it, too. Lord knew he needed it. "It's not your fault. I'm sure he's not mad at you, babe. I know you blame yourself sometimes, I know how much you love him. It's alright. When he's ready to come and talk to us, he will," she said matter-of-factly, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. He seemed to relax, releasing the tension in his back and rolling his previously hunched shoulders to shake it all off.

"You're right, Bev," he said, lips upturning to form a small smile. "Thank you."

Stan came up then, having been talking to Bill about their dilemma. The bell rang, and Stan turned to look at all of them.

"As much as I love Eddie--as much as we all do--we have to get to class."

Richie broke out into a large smirk. "Aaaah, we get it, Stan. Haystack ain't the one you're lookin' for in there. You wanna go already and see you and Big Bill's burly farm man, Mike."

Stan and Bill shared a quick glance, turning beet red.

Richie's smile only grew wider--if even humanly possible--and a devilish glint flared in his eyes. "Man," he sighed. "Polyamory is _such_ a time."

In unison, Bill and Stan looked at Richie--particularly Stan had a glare in his eyes--and said "Fuck off, asshole."

"Y'know," Richie started up again. "If _I_ was polyamory, and if _I_ had Mike-"

" _BEEP BEEP, RICHIE!_ " they yelled exasperatedly, nudging him on either side. "Shut the _fuck_ up!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how you liked it! Leave comments, kudos, and subscribe so I can continue the story and have some more motivation! I love you all, thank you for reading! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @ bevmarsh-elhop <3  
> If you have any suggestions, message me there!


	3. Slow Motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TW: Parent abuse, hitting/slapping in this chapter**
> 
> Here's yet another chapter for you guys! I hope you like it.

"Eddie Kaspbrak," Mr.Anderson's voice boomed. Eddie's eyes quickly shot up, all of the color draining from his face. "What has you so wrapped up in that mind of yours that you are unable to pay proper attention in my classroom?"

Eddie's eyes were wide and full of panic, and he opened his mouth only to whisper out a "H-Um-I-I'm sorry, Mr.Anderson. It won't happen again," ducking his head in embarrassment. Several kids slapped their hands over their mouths, attempting to stifle their laughter. His teacher merely looked him up and down, raising an eyebrow at the young boys bashful behavior.

"Make sure that it doesn't," he warned, turning back to the board and addressing the students. "Now, class, we are going to..."

His teacher's voice faded out as Eddie only half-listened, his thoughts trailing back to the conversation with his mother the night before, playing in his head like a movie reel.

****

Hanging his coat up on their rack next to the front door, Eddie stepped into the living room where his mother sat, perched on her armchair as per usual, eyes glued on the TV screen.

"Hello, Eddie-bear," she chorused, eyes never leaving the screen.

"Hi, ma," he responded, leaning down to peck a kiss on her cheek. She hummed happily in response.

"I left dinner in the microwave for you, I know you were busy today with your studies."

"Thank you, ma," he said politely. Nervous energy radiated all around him, his discomfort palpable. "I have something I want to tell you," he breathed out sheepishly. He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to look at his mother as he said it. He counted in his mind _1...2...3..._ so as to comfort himself before continuing on, the words escaping his lips before he had a chance to think about them. "I'm gay."

His mother's eyes turned toward him as soon as he uttered the words, scraping along his face distastefully. "What was that, Eddie-bear?" she questioned, voice strained.

He opened his eyes and they flitted towards hers, his expression somehow even more nervous than before as he tugged helplessly on the collar of his shirt. He felt as though he was choking. He exhaled slowly and spoke again, barely above a whisper this time.

" _I'm gay_."

At first, Sonia laughed. A deep, howling laughter that came deep from her belly. The sound elicited a shiver from Eddie, frightening him. It sounded maniacal, and made the hair at the nape of his neck stand on end.

"You're so silly, dear," she said in-between breathy gasps. Eddie reckoned that was the most she's laughed in a very long time, and it must have winded her slightly. Her laughter sent pangs of both sadness and anger directly into his heart. "Of course you're not a _homosexual_ , darling. You've always loved girls," she said, dismissing his confession with a wave of her hand.

Exasperated by her reaction, his voice took on a stern and steely tone, demanding her attention.

"No, I _don't_ , ma. I _never_ have, and I _never_ will. I. Am. Gay," he punctuated, a blazing fire growing behind his eyes.

Suddenly, in one swift motion, Sonia rose from her chair and reeled her arm backward, delivering a hard smack to his cheek that echoed throughout the house and rang in his ears. His fingers twitched involuntarily before his hand came up and cupped his stinging cheek. Eddie was absolutely shocked and dumbfounded. His mother had never hit him before, and despite having expected a negative response to his confession beforehand, he had never thought that his mother would slap him.

"Ma?" Eddie's question hung in the air, his voice sounding young and childlike as if he was only seven years old again.

She sat back down in her chair gruffly, eyes still focused on her son. Her demeanor changed in the blink of an eye, a worried and pained expression overtaking her features and flashing in her eyes. She seemed to be reaching out to her son, making grabby motions for him to come closer.

Eddie remembers taking a tentative step forward.

And that's when it began.

_**"B-but Eddie!" She stammered, panic evident in her voice.** ___

____

__****_ _

____

Eddie let the memories stop there. He remembered the end of their fight well enough as it was, and he didn't want to take anymore time to reflect on it any more than he had to.

Just then, the bell rang, and he hastily shoved his school supplies into his backpack and walked out of the classroom hurriedly, eyes downcast.

Clearly, looking downward in a busy school hallway was a ridiculously stupid move, because he ended up clashing into someone's chest instantly, knocking him backwards a few steps. He maintained enough balance not to fall over-- _the only victory of my day_ , he thought. Eddie looked up to see who he had collided into, an apology already forming itself on the tip of his tongue. He swallowed it back when he was met with a pair of deep, dark brown, almost black eyes boring into him.

Eddie let out a tiny gasp.

 _Richie_.

"Eds," he croaked out in a hushed, husky tone.

"Rich," he answered breathily, voice raising an octave as he did.

The two boys became oblivious to their surroundings as they stood, staring at each other for what seemed to be hours but were only seconds. Slowly reaching out to him, as if afraid he would flinch away, Richie's long fingers wrapped around Eddie's wrist, gently pulling him closer.

Eddie's breath hitched in his throat as his eyes racked across Richie's body, landing on his face as he soaked up the taller man in front of him.

His soft, pink-tinted lips that were slightly parted, exhaling puffy breaths. The obsidian-colored mop of unruly curls that sat atop his head--the curls Eddie always dreamed of running his fingers through, but would never dare admit it out loud. His pale, porcelain skin that resembled that of a China doll--minus the freckles that littered his face. And, God, _those big, beautiful eyes_ , Eddie thought. His coke-bottle glasses magnified them as they studied Eddie. He loved them.

Richie's hand still had a delicate hold on Eddie's wrist, and he opened his mouth to speak, the words flowing out of him at lightning speed.

"EdsIdon'tknowwhatIdidwrongorifsomethinghappenedbutwillyoupleasetellmebecauseIwanttohelpandknowreallyreallybad."

The world came back to focus as the words sank in, and he ripped his hand out of Richie's grasp, eyes darting out all around them in a frantic motion before settling back and locking onto Richie's concerned, sad ones.

"I-I can't, Rich. I'll try to tell you when I can--when I'm ready. I'm sorry."

Eddie turned and bolted down the now-empty hallways as the warning bell for class rang out, indicating that class was beginning session. The sound mixed in with the deafening pound of his heartbeat, and he continued running until he came across an empty bathroom, locking himself inside. He groped around his pockets for his inhaler, fumbling as he pulled it out and shakily brought it to his lips, pressing the trigger. The familiar taste of battery acid filled his mouth, and he felt his lungs expand forcefully, sucking in air. Tears streaked down his cheeks unwillingly as he slid down the door of the bathroom stall. He couldn't bring himself to care that he was late to class; couldn't care about anything. Crumbling into himself, he let out a horrible, gut-wrenching whail as the tears ebbed into silent, dry sobs.

All he could focus on was the burning image of Richie Tozier in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The bold when Sonia begins talking again at the very end of Eddie's flashback indicates that you can find the rest of the fight in the first chapter! Please refer back to it if you cannot remember what happened or would like to read it again for more context.**
> 
> This was a more angsty and sad chapter, but hopefully it was enjoyable to read. Let me know how you liked it!  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated. <3
> 
> Find me on tumblr @ bevmarsh-elhop !


End file.
